Tuesday, February 11, 2020

The Right to Write

Tonight I sit at my computer attempting to write words about being a teacher. Ideas. Suggestions. Solutions. Strategies. And yet, I just came off of a day steeped in chaos, struggles, and mistakes.

In the first two hours of my day I asked myself what must have been 100 questions, second-guesses, and challenges. Here are just few:

  • Did I receipt these field trip forms?
  • He hit again. What should I say to help reset the morning?
  • This student has been absent for over a week. He looks so tired. How can I help him adjust this morning?
  • She's refusing to join in Morning Meeting greeting. What should I say to model compassion but set high expectations for how we treat each other?
  • Why does she do this?
  • How can I be proactive tomorrow? And how can I remember to remember to be proactive tomorrow? 
  • How can I better engage students during the writing mini-lesson? 
  • She's still forgetting spaces between her words. What should we try today?
  • She's refusing to join the group again. What should I do?
  • They are arguing about who is touching who. I'm trying to teach a phonics lesson. Should I stop? Ignore it?

How can I sit down at the end of a day like this and write? Write about my ideas, my suggestions, my solutions and strategies. Do I even have any? Some days, like today, my shelves seem rather bare.

Self doubt creeps in. Who am I to write about being a teacher?

A teacher. That's who.

I've been there. I am there. I'm going back there tomorrow.
I can share my mistakes. I can share what I learn from what goes wrong, and I can share when it goes a little better the next time. I can't share perfection. And I can't wait for perfection to share.

And I don't just give. I take. I take and take and take. I take from the other teachers making mistakes, asking questions, second guessing choices, and re-conceiving challenges. And I don't ask for perfection from them.

I've made a deal with myself that I will be forgiving. Forgiving of my own faults and flaws. I will put myself out there because I want to be in community with my fellow teachers. I love us so much. I love what we are doing. What we believe we can achieve, even if we all know we set our sights unrealistically high. 

Tonight I'll write even though it was a messy day. I'll write even though my mini-lesson didn't land. I'll write even though we had to put a lot of work into showing kindness. I'll write even though one student's challenges seemed too big for the love I could give in one day.
I'll write. And I'll come back tomorrow.

Because I don't have to be perfectly right to write.
 

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